"Can a marriage without sex be a happy one?" asked an article in the New York Times Magazine last year. Based on 30 married couples who reported on their relationships in interviews, a journalist put forward the thesis that a sexless married life does not necessarily mean that relationship satisfaction suffers - a surprising finding, as it is generally accepted that a fulfilling sex life is an elementary component of a happy relationship. In order to find out more about this appeal, psychologist Prof. Dr Franz J. Neyer from Friedrich Schiller University Jena, together with colleagues from Canada and the USA, has now investigated what is really true about the supposed phenomenon of "happy sexless couples" and has come to a clear conclusion: not much. The team reports on its findings in the research magazine "Journal of Family Psychology".

"It has long been known that there is a general connection between regular sexual intercourse and relationship satisfaction," explains Franz Neyer. "We have now taken the article as an opportunity to check whether our research data on the frequency of sex includes proof of a substantial group of relationships that support the phenomenon described." The psychologists analysed information from around 2,100 German heterosexual couples between the ages of 20 and 39. Over 86 per cent of the couples surveyed stated that they were very satisfied with their relationship and had sex frequently - about once a week. 3.6 per cent had sex less frequently - less than two to three times a month - and were characterised by a lower level of satisfaction. Two other groups, each in the single-digit percentage range, showed a mixed picture in terms of satisfaction with less frequent sex. When the researchers specifically looked for couples who rarely have sex but are still highly satisfied with their relationship, they were only able to identify 49 couples - just 2.3 per cent. "The significant group of 'happy sexless couples' does not exist," summarises the personality psychologist from Jena.

Media phenomenon does not reflect reality

However, it is important for Franz Neyer to emphasise that the study does not paint a normative picture of what a relationship should look like and that sexuality is an essential part of it. "Every relationship is different and many different factors, which we did not include in this analysis, play a role in satisfaction," he says. The team also limited itself to the age group of young adults - the team was unable to analyse how the relationship changes with age when the importance of sexuality changes on the basis of this data. However, the New York Times Magazine article did not address this group either.

Nevertheless, such studies are important in order to show that such relationship phenomena, which are frequently thematised in the media, do not necessarily reflect reality. However, they at least offer scientists the opportunity to bring research questions to the public and stimulate social discourse.

Data from long-term study

The data for the study comes from the representative long-term study pairfam, during which psychologists and sociologists surveyed around 12,000 people, their partners and their family members every year from 2008 to 2022 in order to obtain information on the respondents' life and relationship satisfaction over an extended period of time. While the collection of the data has been completed, its analysis is still being incorporated into a large number of studies.